Is the number of comments I have total, including over 5500 spam .

I’m getting reeeeally boring here, citing numbers of spam and things. How’s this - “Today it snowed.”

The problem is the part of my brain that normally occupies my head for blogging is tied up in thoughts that I can’t and won’t spread all over the web.

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I don’t know why in the past I’ve often come to get more and more upset at an unpleasant task the longer it lasted. I’m the kind of person who loves to see a future end to something. When a project is just in the air as a never ending thing that could take all morning, afternoon, and then night, with no guarantee of quitting after supper, I tend to get thin-patienced. I guess that’s pretty normal. But if you really look at it logically, if at 10am you have the whole day before you, you ought to just get more and more happy towards the afternoon, and even if you have to work into the night you should just get more and more excited about all of the work that you have already finished and that is FINISHED.

The only problem with this is the measure of fatigue with which you cope towards the end of a day. But still, maybe it will help me in the future to focus on time finished instead of the dreaded time still to come. That ought to be motivating to start projects too, and get as much done as soon as possible instead of putting it off because I’m dreading finishing it.

Maybe I should start a project to think about procrastination and how to overcome it ;) But the only problem is I think I already know about the sources of many of my procrastinations, and mostly it comes down to fear, when you boil it all down. Fear of change, mostly, on the big things. Or of failure. I can’t count the number of times I’ve thought of drawing and not done anything because I had in mind all of the uncomfortable encounters of my past “failed” drawings. “Eeew, his nose is weird.” You know.

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I have been reading a bit of my midwifery books. It is absolutely amazing to study the structure of the human body. We have got such a picture of ourselves - legs, arms, face, head, etc - that we often overlook details. I mean, how much thought have you given to the ligaments in your pelvis!? All the cells are there in your body, not just as ideas in the anatomy books. And they are there whether or not you think about them, and whether or not you’re aware of them. In fact, it is striking me as amazing at this moment that each one of our bodies contains things that are so complicated that no one can know everything about them, and people spend whole lives studying them.

And just glancing in the book of Novak’s Gynecologic and Obstetric Pathology,  it is sobering to realize how many things in just one or two parts of the body can go wrong. If your body is functioning anywhere near to normal, it really is a miracle to me. It’s a miracle for anything to run. It is also a miracle for anyone to be happy, I think.

Posted by Bonnie under Uncategorized