Going to the same location once a year (around the same time of year), and visiting the same people in that location seems to bring back vivid memories.

Today where I’m at I can hardly believe that last year I was sitting in this same location in the bus looking up six packs for inspiration, and then when I left the afternoon party, I fasted for the next 24 hours. The next few weeks I gave up on maintaining any semblance of healthy eating and just fasted for 24 hours after I felt like I had overeaten. And that was the beginning of the end. Since the period after the fasting fad, I haven’t given much thought to eating “clean” (high protein, low junk, medium fat, lots of veggies) at all. I did post about a new turnaround, but I have managed to not even do that.

Yesterday I did three sets of 20 pushups. I wonder if I could try to get in 5 sets of 20 every other day, and every week add 2 to the first set and subtract them from the last set. Then I’d end up with 40, 20, 20, 20. I could probably start adding to the second set from the last set again and end up with 40, 40, 20. Then if I split up the last 20 I’d end up with two sets of 50. Well, anyway. That has been the extent of my hype remaining once put to the test of reality.

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I’m getting something. I don’t know what it is. Tired, sure, because I’m sick. But other than that I’m not just tired, I’m frustrated. I’m missing something. How does it go - it’s hard to kick against the goads? I feel like there is something prodding me that I can’t escape by going to sleep - although going to sleep is nice enough to distract from it a bit.
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I blogged a few months ago about falling into a slump that I expected to last for months. I don’t think it ever happened. Not the way it normally would have. I am thankful for that. There are still bright things, and the future, unlike it does in an extended slump, doesn’t look completely dark.

This is so boooooring. I’m sorry. I have nothing really interesting to post about at the moment. It’s all about me, today, unfortunately. I want to go outside and feel summer. The ones that I haven’t had since I was a young child. The ones in which I would play football with the guys at the park while the band played, and I’d sit looking out the hatch in the attic looking at the stars, and I would find a reason to walk downtown in the setting-ish afternoon sun. I guess I can still walk barefoot and burn my feet.

Posted by Bonnie under Uncategorized